Marvin for President!

Life, Don't Talk to Me About Life

Published on May 21, 2005 By NJforever In Humor

(A special thanks to Fazz for the inspiration for this sorry attempt at humor)

Okay, I purchased all five novels of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy in one volume today, and have been on a reading binge since. I've managed to finish the first three novels. While talking about them with TheFazz, something he said made something abundantly clear: Marvin the Paranoid Android would be the perfect President of the United States!

I mean, think about it. He clearly mentions that his lying circuits are out of commission. He'd never lie to us! Isn't that what we want in a president? Also, his infinite intelligence would be quite useful. And if we ever had to enter delicate diplomatic relations, he could just depress them until they gave in! Keeping in mind what talking to them has done to other robots, he could certainly make humans give in.

I'm willing to admit, his hatred of all organic beings might get in the way a bit. But I'm sure it won't be an obstacle! That's why, in 2008, I won't support the Republicans, the Democrats, the Libertarians, or any other third party. Nope, I'll be enthusiatically campaigning for Marvin the Paranoid Android, handing out buttons that say "Life, Don't Talk to Me About Life" and "I Hate and Despise You All." A vote for Marvin is a vote against Vogons!

Comments

TheFazz

on May 21, 2005

And I caused this? What a shame.

NJforever

on May 21, 2005

And I caused this? What a shame.

I made special emphasis on that in case the Vogons got mad about me supporting someone against them.

MasonM

on May 21, 2005

I'm for it. But, point of fact, he's a depressed android, not paranoid.

NJforever

on May 21, 2005

I'm for it. But, point of fact, he's a depressed android, not paranoid.

I know. But Zaphod calls him Marvin the Paranoid Android at one point, so that's what I refer to as his full name.

marvin the depressinly paranoi

on May 21, 2005

ok, i'll accept you silly little nomination, but you can't make me like it. i won't win anyway so why bother. mind the size of a planet, and all they want me to do is run a puny little country...

NJforever

on May 21, 2005

ok, i'll accept you silly little nomination, but you can't make me like it. i won't win anyway so why bother. mind the size of a planet, and all they want me to do is run a puny little country...

You won't have to deal with those cheery doors though.

Danny Bassette

on May 21, 2005

I thought there were six books? And my copy is missing

Not sure I'd want Marvin for president, although he can't be any worse then who we have now, and he'd be a whole lot better then Zaphod

NJforever

on May 21, 2005

I thought there were six books?

Well, mine did come with a bonus story, but I didn't count that. Perhaps that is it.

and he'd be a whole lot better then Zaphod

As president of U.S., yeah, but not galaxy. He would just insist that he has nothing to say and everyone hates him, and people would find out about the Ruler of the Universe in a week.

Danny Bassette

on May 22, 2005

No they wouldn't. He'd be so depressing people would stay out of galactic affairs and deal with local issues, where they didn't have to listen to him depress them. Unless they lived next to the real president they would never even think about looking for him. What better distraction then one you just don't want to even think about, it's just too depressing

NJforever

on May 22, 2005

Hm, that's true. Anyone depressing enough to make a starship with no personality kill itself could certainly make people not want to think about them. I'm willing to bet that he'd make considerably less TV appearances than Zaphod did. The entire industry would collapse if he did, because people wouldn't want to turn it on for fear of seeing Marvin again.

Gideon MacLeish

on May 23, 2005

He would, of course, have to run as a Democrat

NJforever

on May 23, 2005

He would, of course, have to run as a Democrat

Ow, got me right in the party there, Gid. At least we would probably win then, though, due to the sheer publicity.

NJforever

on May 23, 2005

NJforever

on May 23, 2005

Many

NJforever

on May 23, 2005

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